Friday, October 26, 2007
1:18 AM
I told myself, each day now, I will try my best to write till the last day I am gone.
I think It may be the new journey to start counting down.
Its another new journey to do deep thinking.
Spiritual Journey, Personal Journey, Future Journey.
Flying away to a new country.
Adapting to a new place.
Learning to Live all over again.
This journey of mine,
Always bumpy.
Either there are winds,
Or just big waves.
Always something there to follow up after another.
The feeling where I never get to see the Good or Success from it.
It brings the heart down.
Especially when others are flying high.
I begin to sit on the fence of my own spiritual life and personal journey.
Spiritually, they always say, Wait. Wait.
Learn about faith. patience and the blessings will multiply after.
Where God will have his right time.
I wonder, If i am just being impatient Or I see all these promises that he has "set",
None seems to belong to mine.
A test of faith they call it. No faith No nothing.
Teach me because I feel I might have just failed.
Who am I that you want to mould me.
I can feel your wrath.
The possible wrath coming because of my actions.
What more for a little more, since condemnation have been constantly in my life.
What more a little more of putting down.
Since All these years,
It has been lies.
Broken promise and false hopes.
When I never seem to see hope at any time.
Maybe I had.
But For now,
I just feel.
A backslider Christian.
All over again.
Just some Kid one wants to save so that they can go to heaven.
But this is not what I want.
Call me a perfectionist, idealistic or ambitious.
But for now, I just want to give up.
Because time and time again.
I do not see the purpose Of my life.
Goodbye.
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